Doing a terrible job at keeping my life together, but fuck it you know. I have a chemistry midterm in six hours and I’m not tryna think about anything but that right now.+
“We always knew that you were the most optimistic woman out there willing to accomplish any goals no matter what gets in your way.”
2:49am. I have only written one paragraph of my lab paper that is due tomorrow afternoon. Frustration; my innermost feeling. It feels as if I no longer have control of my thoughts anymore. I avoid work because it demonstrates my intelligence…right? Isn’t that how intelligence is measured? By your grades? I avoid displaying my sadness because it only signifies weakness…right? What am I even saying. I guess I am just trying too hard to stay up there when truly I have been at rock bottom for quite some time now. Reading the letter written by a friend who is no longer a friend sparked a small fire in my soul. Oh, the irony. Still searching for that incredible woman she spoke so kindly and greatly of. I know I’m in there, somewhere.+
It is very, very difficult realizing that you might actually be better off without certain people weighing down your heart. Some people are meant to guide us, yet leave our lives. I thank the universe for bringing such an honest, loving light to my life, but the light is dim now. It’s certainly not honest nor is it loving: and it is so painful to feel, on the shallow face of it all, but these people are meant to love us and leave. Your time here is done.
The key thing that sets you apart from the ones in the past is that you allow your actions to speak for themselves, rather than words. I have been so accustomed to the reassurance of beautiful words that I almost failed to realize that there was nothing behind them. Yeah, maybe you don’t express yourself verbally as much as I am used to, but the things you do is making me disregard all of that completely. Out with the negative thoughts; I’ve decided on you.+